A simple way to take back control of your life
Life is linear. It proceeds in an orderly fashion from one day to the next. From one decision to the next. Each one in turn, informing the other, so that life presents as an organized whole; a collection of known destinations and decisions with an overarching sense that everything is connected and moving forward.
Right. Not so much
We often find ourselves anxious and running just in front of the latest upset or minor catastrophe in our lives, believing if we can just keep moving, just maintain those two steps out front, that everything will be okay. It won’t — the bus always catches up.
Life is messy. It’s discourteous and abrupt. It pushes us out of our lane and into the oncoming traffic of other people’s lives. It’s also pleasant, easy to get along with and often predictable. We just need to look for the signs.
1. Look for problems or situations that keep happening to you.
Upsets with bosses at work. Girlfriends, you suddenly feel the urge to run away from. Conversations you can’t seem to have without blowing up. Isolate what you are doing that’s not working and figure out a way to change it.
2. You set your life ablaze — temporarily. Put out the fire. Face the damage done and own it. It’ll hurt, for a minute. Then it gets better.
Have that conversation. Bring some flowers, bring some courage. Admit mistakes when made, but no wallowing or groveling allowed. That just makes it worse. If saying you’re sorry is hard to do, use other words. You’re there to fix the damage done, not figure out ways to feel worse than you already do.
3. What you did (repeatedly) isn’t working. Change your behavior. How you react (too quickly) how you think (too selfishly?) how you keep missing the warning signs. Organize your life.
Road signs have a purpose, adopt the same principles here. Looks for tells. Life has them, so do people. Learn yours. What do you do just before you get angry, feel jealous, leave the room suddenly, quit your job? Write down a few and work on them. Then add to the list later.
Mistakes are not a habit that you can try to break — like smoking. They are a byproduct of living. Sometimes there’s just more of them than we would like. But the good news is that we are already hardwired to overcome them. It’s called experience. Case in point:
· We don’t run with scissors in our hands anymore.
· We don’t carry an umbrella into a thunderstorm.
· We don’t dry our hair while sitting in a bathtub
· We stopped sticking wet fingers into a socket when we were two
Direct that revealing light of observation and intuition on yourself. Not to feel naked and alone but to feel relief.
I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.
Neil Gaiman
